Utter Disapppointment

Hard to believe that this year's Christmas sucks big time. If I keep up like this on every Christmas, I might kill myself. Nothing in particular that makes me happy this year, nothing but disappointment.

HAPPY

I got nothing to say, I'm just slightly HAPPY in a sense :)

Negativity

Lately I've been feeling very insecure and so low about myself. I just don't know what is going on inside me and it's just so hard to get rid of this negativity. Sometimes I just wish someone or anyone would spare some time to be a good listener where I can reveal all these thoughts and share about them. I guess I'm just disappointed with myself right now, it feels so unnecessarily pathetic.

Close to year-end

 This month has been a very tough time for me. When mom, dad and my sis came to Singapore, I got sick, REALLY SICK. I even passed out for the first time in my life and I felt so pathetic and helpless. Luckily I got my sisters helped me out and they believed I was sick from the food poison which I don't know where it came from. It was terrible and miserable, it took me 5 days to be fully recovered. Then I got scolded so many times by my mom for so many reasons. Anyway, I hope the other days due to the Christmas and New Year, will be better than the beginning of this month.

Christmas is OnTheWay :)

Christmas is coming and everybody seemed to be very prepared for New Year. It's good to have the merrily decorated Christmas Trees and Decors around the city and if only there's snow, It would have been incredibly beautiful. It's very unpleasant that I kept witnessing rain instead of the snow every morning which gives me gloomy days everyday I wake up and then I was like, "Christmas should be happy and merry, not gloomy, lazy, and sad like the non-stop rain". Anyway, I just wish everything will be fine as we embark to the brand new period where we can start our brand new resolutions and new "selves". I'm looking forward to see new things and new people too :)

Shining

I always have this thought of myself being the very best among others is the most important thing I must do. Being better than anyone is what I've always wanted to do too, yet competition is always hard and difficult and "my best" is always not good enough. I guess I just don't like to feel what it feels like to be worse than the others especially in something that I'm really good at. I swear that someday, I am going to be a wanted and a very successful person in the future for my family and myself. Maybe it sounds a little selfish, but I guess since it's confession, being honest is a good and natural thing to do :)

Finally!

After months of miserable and stressful days with lots of assignments and deadlines to catch on, finally I had reach the moment where I can halt and stop thinking about all that. I'm just glad that I finally have the time to do some leisure activities. There are so many things that I wanna start doing and also I can't wait to go back home. In spite all that, I think new year is coming, eh? Gonna take lots of happy and joyful with season greetings pictures for the upcoming week :)

Life Respect

Yesterday I took several shots of the sky which I think is weird that yesterday' sky was so "happy" from 12 to 5 but suddenly when it's after the noon, the sky suddenly went sad and gloomy . This is one of the best shots that I took and suddenly I started to think how wonderful it is to be alive and have a very good and functionable eyes to be able to see such beautiful things such as this. My determination of being a professional photographer as my prospect in the future gets stronger and stronger everytime I take pictures. That's a good thing :)

Overwhelmed

This week has been a very rough week for me. I got sick, stressed, weak and vulnerable both physically and emotionally. It just feels like I need to fight for my sake and do my work alone so I was kind of silent this week. Just two more weeks to go before my first assessment. Wish my hardwork will pay off big time!

Reaching for the Posibilities

Recently, Ive been doing some activities which I never thought I would do in my college and I find it hard to believe that now I have more abilities than just draw. I felt learning so much and I realized that there won't be any excuses or limits for inspiration. Everything is a percentage of possibilities, that's why moments of every moment are important. I hope I am going to change my personality to a better one, moreover towards art.

Late Updates

Before showing the photos, I would like to say that I've been EXTREMELY busy these days. Assignments never stop piling up, and I can hardly manage my time to do them.  Well, my blog was not updated for a very long time certainly because of it and now I'm going to post all all the pictures that I haven't posted since the last photo and little stories about the captions. Sorry for posting it late though :|

 

  

It was really tiring when I walk back and forth at my first month entering the college especially when I have to carry those heavy art materials and media to my place which is quite far away. But I guess I'll just have to get used to it. :\

 Recently I felt very new and not familiar to my surroundings and I realized that I still had a very long way to go to achieve the reward of being a responsible young adult, and I'm still raw in living independently recalling that I'm a very clumsy and forgetful person (back when I was in high school). HopefullyI'll change those bad habits here. 

 

After attending class for almost more than a month now, I began to think that my future is my decision and that's when I decided to plan what I'm gonna do later after the studies are over. There are so many ways and paths that I can choose. I just need time fto igure what's best for me and 9my family later on. It's time to think about it and I think it's no harm to be prepared for what's coming :)

My mind was very concentrated on one thought and that is the unfinished projects. Not because I was lazy to do them, but I was really clueless and afraid of doing something wrong. I was really pressured, It feels like giving up :(

 

 Don't know suddenly being alone all the time became a slight problem for me. It's kinda sad though I always need to do things all by myself. It's like everything that I want to have depends on my efforts and struggles. I tend to get stressed easily recently. :(

 

That day, I was a little relieved from those assignments which was almost finished. I can finally took a temporary break but it wouldn't be long till other assignments come again. :|

There's been some ideas in my head but somehow I'm just don't know how interpret them well in my works. I guess I still have a lot to learn expressing ideas before I reveal  or kill the interesting part of it.

 

Felt all drained out of energy for a while due to the continuous assignments. It was very odd actually, I have never been this tired and beat. Having not enough sleep was really not good. I think I need a full-month break. :|

I've been daydreamin' a lot these days, I've got nothing to say about it I don't know what I was thinking of, probably just slight emotion through my mind.

I wish I could just skip my busy days and start a vacation with friends or family soon. I felt like collapsing doing the non stop homework. I miss my family and my friends , I wish I could go back to my hometown for just 1 week. .*sigh*

Still expecting the holiday to come soon and hopefully I could get great grades for my first college studies. I did  the very best out of me and I wish I can get the best grades I could get. :)

Yesterday I went to the art science museum at MBS with my classmates for the CCS class project, I find the museum very interesting and worth a visit. I thank my college for paying me to go there because it seemed rather expensive to have the access to go and observe the exhibition there. Thanks Lasalle! :D

 

Felt being left out  and not prominent in any activities recently, going passive and a bit off. Don't know what's wrong with me, there's so many conflicts inside my head and I think I'm going to be like this for several days, Not Good :(

Enjoy!

I've been really stressed and pressured by the assignments and all activities I had recently. I guess I've forgotten how fun and exciting it is to do all those things. Maybe it's because I hate doing so much work hurriedly. I wish I could survive through all this tough challenge, at least pass the foundation.

Overloading

It has been a "killing" week now. Lotsa lotsa assignments and projects and researches to do and I can't even do my projects at my place because of the space lacking and me not having a regular studying table and sitting chair. Can barely do some bigger projects. I can't wait to move later in October!

Relax and Panic

The three previous weeks, I went to the beaches in Sentosa Resort World for two times and I also went to watch movies with my friends. I have no idea how I was so relaxed while my assignments keep on piling up everyday I enter the classes. Lately I've been getting not enough sleep.  Feeling so unrelieved :(

One Little Grumbling

Got a drawing class yesterday and it was only the first day entering a college class and there are lots of homework already now. Not only the assignments which has piled up, but also did the art instruments that I need to carry everyday from now on. *sigh* can't believe it, I thought it was much easier than this and I was like, "Finally! I get to learn what I'm really into", so excited and never think I would complain about it. I guess learning other regular faculties like marketing or hospitality is so much more efficient and easier than creative industries. However, I will not regret taking art as my future reference cause it's always and it will always going to be what I've always wanted to do :)

Feeling Lowered...

Lately, I've been really emotional with everything that I see these days, hanging out with friends, watching fighting and happy couples, and judging strangers. I realized there are so many "social steps" that I have to walk and run. I used to have positive thinking about all this and I always question, "Why am I single? Why am I single? Do I look really super ugly?? THAT BAD?? " and I always answer "It's not because you're too ugly to have a relationship, it's not because of outer beauty, it's because you're looking for a right partner who really understands you and isn't afraid of having commitment with you (seriously). and also because patience always rewards". Yeah.. I used to have that kind of thinking ,but now I don't think I could think that way anymore. I realized that physical looks are always the main factor and will always be the main factor in having relationship. Whenever a guy or a man said that one of the reasons why he dates a girl is because of that girl's inner beauty, FOR THE GIRLS WHO READ, you should know, THAT IS BULLSHIT. There's no man or guy who fall for you without looking at your face or your body. Believe me, it's how they take your "wind" away and then when they get bored with you, they'll just throw away your "wind" like a useless meaningless trash. It's not just merely about being subjective, IT'S THE TRUTH. From now on, I feel so hard to  trust anyone (especially guys), Change your mind about me? Fine then,  besides I'm just confessing and I think I did the right thing. No regrets :)

Taking Break

Today was a bit loose than the yesterdays and it's time to unwind and relax. I doubt that I'll be able to have some breaks starting from next week because next week will be a very scary week for foundation students :(

Adapting

Oh my God, it has only been 3 days college and I'm going crazy because of my timetable, learning portal, and the art materials that I have yet to search and buy! I can't believe I would spend so much for materials only, the tutors sure speak like well-off people -.-". I never thought I will be this tired and exhausted but hopefully I'll manage to get used to it :)

Freedom and Boundary

 

 Been attending college for  3 days, and I made some good friendly friends. I felt so free at large however I also felt so busy with the college activities. No kidding about what my seniors told me yesterday, now I know what it feels like to be a college student. I even doubt I can keep on updating my blog. WILL BE SUPER BUSY SOON :(

New Beginning

So tomorrow is my first time attending class in college, feel excited and excitable. I'm gonna face numerous of hard competitors and different style-teaching teachers. Knowing that the assignments and homework for my foundation studies will be mountains of burdens from some of my seniors, I feel so uneasy and anxious now. But let's just wait and see whether it's true or not. :|

RELIEF RELEASE

Been in Singapore for almost a week now and feel so relieved after obtaining my student pass and student card. Thank God I've finally settled all the documents problem and college registration and now I feel so free and happy. I can't wait to start my college studies and start to change my old shabby self to a new greater self. :)

Homesicking

It has been 4 days living in Singapore, and I am still worried about my documents which will be used in making the student pass here. Thanks to my agent and his crews for screwing my data and now I'm GD anxious. But despite all that, I miss dad, friends (although some of them can't show up yesterday) and home now .I really miss playing piano too although I can't wait to start my college life here. It's just happy and sad at the same time. I just pray and keep on praying that everything will go well and I hope I'll be home by December or sooner to get this homesick over. Miss y'all so much guys <3

The Remains that I Play

This morning, I played every song that I can play on my piano. It was sort of farewell to my passion in music, I'm sad that I'm not gonna be able to play again whenever I want there. It's just sad.. I can't believe I'm crying while typing this, I just never thought it would be this hard to separate from what I have and what I can do in Medan, especially music and I got this piano as my music mate. Whenever my friends or family are busy with themselves or whenever I was alone, I always play to cheer myself up and I think that's what making me okay of being so lonely. But starting from tomorrow, I have to leave it here, just thinking about it, makes me burst into tears... I hope I will be able to handle all the obstacles of my social life there so that I won't feel empty and lonely. I know it's awkward to say thanks to an inanimate .. but I still wanted to thank you for having been with me until now and someday I'll tell our story to other people about what you and me had been through...

Sincere Thanks for the Alphabet Cookies :D

  

Today I went out with my best friend XinXin ( a.k.a Sally Cintya William) to meet my drawing mentor, Johnson. We talked a lot about silly things at his place for about 2 hours. He also taught us something about motivation and he said that no matter how good we are, we may not feel great about ourselves. We must keep on accepting the greater challenges eventhough we are good enough. It was a nice and thoughtful talk actually. After having some conversations with him, we left and we went to HELIOUS, the cake and bread shop. I had no idea why she wanted to go there, probably she ordered a cake for her family's birthday I thought. But it turned out I was wrong, the real thing is she ordered a box of alphabet cookies for me! It was a  farewell gift from her and I was so happy and thrilled to have the surprise! maybe It's been a while since I don't have any surprises  like this. When I got home I immediately took a picture of it and post it here. If  u read this , I just wanna say lots of thanks and I hope our friendship last foreverandeverandverandever. ME LOVE U MUCH XIN! THANKS A LOT BABE! :D

:'(

It's only one day away due to my permanent departure to Singapore, and I felt so messed up. There has been a lot of problems with my documents that I handed to my agent and I've got to tend to it immediately. Eventhough I'm so ready to face a new life there and I always wondered what would it be like, there's still a little part of me still wants to stay. I'm also sad that I'm going to leave my friends and some of my families here, I'm not that ready and I think I'm gonna cry soon. I kept on cheering and telling myself to take the bulls by the horns. But.. it's just hard when you think about who and what you'll leave. :(

NIMBUS again and again :D

Another discovery from a small glass-layered hole of the iron buzzard :D. The Kingdom of Upper World. Look how peaceful the life up there :) wish had one life like this down here :(

The clouds and the gradient of the sky, together they created a picture that looked like an evening view of the sea. I have no idea how it happened though :/.

BANGKOK STROLL :D

Went to Bangkok for a vacation with my 2 elder sisters, brother, and mom.The first day was not so bad but unfortunately we got a driver who can't either speak english or alphabets. I was like "WTF?? how are we supposed to communicate???". But somehow with gestures and all we were eventually able to tell something to him. The hotel that we lived was BAIYOKE SKY HOTEL.

 

We went to Platinum Shopping Mall and an IT Mall (which has no name) the next day. Some of the things there were ridiculously cheap but some were not even worth to buy, anyway we didn't shop as many things as the first time we went to Bangkok cause the things were not as cheap as before.

Then the day after, we went to Jim Thompson's house museum. It's not really a big museum but after listening to every little thing that the museum guide told, it was quite interesting and it was not that boring :D. But no cameras were allowed inside the museum house :(.

 
The third day we went to a bit faraway mall called "Paradise Park"and it took almost 2 hours to get there -.-". It has got anything in particular, just a regular mall with normal shops with normal prices.On the way home from the park, we were jammed in the toll road for almost 3 hours! Can't you believe that?? What a really waste of time, but I took some good pictures though :P.

 The last day, we have no much time to do anything so we just checked-out the hotel, had lunch and then off to the airport.

By the way, we went to Chinatown 4 days for dinner and I feel like wanna throw up seafood now haha. It was fun though :) . Cya Bangkok! :D

Before the Vacation

 

Hi again! Just came back from a vacation and didn't get a chance to blog since last week . A day before vacation, I went to a golden temple in Brastagi but I forgot the name of the temple. It was hot there outside the temple although it supposed to be cool and chilly in the mountains. Could it be the impact of global warming? Who knows hahaha Anyway the bright but hot sun, really helped me taking some great pics though. :)

Kept on wondering, what will I be when I completed my education period. Of course I wish that I could have a job that I will really enjoy and please. But sometimes not everybody can reach what they were going after, some might succeed, some might be stuck, some might even fail. Obviously nobody wants to either be stuck or fail in pursuing their goals, neither do I. I must be determined and committed to myself that I will be able to have a bright and best future. God bless! Amen :)