The Bloom

Lately I have been very moody and unhappy for certain things , especially last week where I had a lot of breakdowns and disappointment; some with tears and some without. I started to hate myself again for being such a baby and get offended so easily. This is where all of my negativity had taken control of me AGAIN, but , thank God there's "he", who understands, who comforts and calms me down (although he's still away from the city and all I could receive were texts and phone calls). I'm really sorry that I've complained so much and being not thankful for what I have. Then I felt the positivity has bring me to the side of being happy and free from self-insulting and low self-esteem.

Then I had a very extremely great whole day with him yesterday,  since he's back from his vacation. And I'm really very thankful for all of his superb and wonderful gifts. I could tell that he has put a lot of considerations and concerns of what to give me, as to why I reckoned: He bought me films when he knew I'm in need of them, then he bought me rose bouquet which I'm currently fond of , and he also gave me a very beautiful dress and I'm not sure why, but I'm just guessing that he just wanted me to have more confidence as a woman and to prevent me from saying myself ugly over and over again like I used to. He has been a such wonderful gentleman and I feel so fortunate to have him as my appleheart. It's just less than 10 days before I'll go back to Singapore to continue college and that's when distance will part us for nearly a year but I hope that he'll be able to visit me there before he went back to his country where he's studying. But if not, then for the future I just hope that distance won't ruin our trust and our endearment to one another and stay faithful and committed to each other. Missing him certainly will be daily for me and it probably will be lonelier, but I'm sure it will worth the patience and the wait. 

Hope nothing will be in vain for both of us.

TLC <3

July - July

This month has been a very amazing time for me and I had a lot of new things going on in my life right now. Meeting new people and having new moments, resembling with old friends and enjoying the fun of social life, learning lots of new piano songs, are all I've done most of the time here in Medan. There aren't burdens in my mind, just happy thoughts and innocent expectations; makes me not willing to go back to Singapore. It's roughly two more weeks before I shall go back and continue the college life again. I guess the holiday has ended and it is time to let go all-the-time fun and be ready for the brand new semester. Anyways, I'm thankful for the time that I had here and thanks to all of my family and friends for the fun, can't wait to have a long summer holiday again, what a fun July! :D.

Journey to the Lower West

Just got back from my 10-day vacation in Australia, and I feel quite satisfied because I captured lots of good pictures along the holiday. I explored so many new and beautiful places in this continent but it was hell cold everyday which I find disturbing because I'm not used to cold weather. However I just kept going to have fun :). We also went to see lots of cute creatures like sheep, buffaloes, horses (somehow not as the same as in Indonesia), koalas and kangaroos. I enjoy watching these cute creatures living their lives in the wild and how human preserve them from the wild selfish hunters. Personally I don't like living in this country because everything is just overpriced and it is just not convenient because they mostly charge people of everything; any kind of small service, internet, water, and many more. But I have to admit that there are more things to see in this western land rather than in Asia. Well I had fun and I guess it's good to have seen and experienced many things in these 10 days.

Holiday Getaway

Holiday vacation is on the track and can't wait to go outside Asia. It's one week to go and the countdown begins now. :D. It's been a while since I didn't have a long vacation with my family and I hope it's gonna be fun :)

Present Tense

I've been thinking about my past and my future at the same time and all I can think about for both is still unclear and blurry. I can't even recall some of my past and I can't predict anything to happen to myself in the next coming years either. My mind is currently focusing on what is happening now and I would like to just enjoy what I have right now, and be grateful for what I have achieved and received from my recent activities. How I wish I could infinite the time and remain like what I am now forever.

Regenerated

Lately I felt like I'm no longer my old self and I began to learn a lot of things lately. I find it good to have realized that I changed and tried to be a better person than I was. With full expectation, I wish for more good changes to happen to myself and for more passion to be a young artist later on. Thanks to my family and friends who has helped shaping a better self of me and someday I'm certain that I will be able to literally return favors to all of you. :)

Outside the World

Recently I like imagining some impossible visions inside my head. It's like almost not likely that I can illustrate something so surreal in my mind as if I was dreaming all the way.

Good Expectations

It's a brand new year 2012 and it is a new period all over again. I have to say, I got a little bored with my life in previous year though I learned and gained so much experience too which is also a good thing. I hope something good, unexpected, and new will happen and I've got to do something good for myself this year :). Oh, by the way , although it's a little bit late but HAPPY NEW YEAR readers! :D

Brief Break

I spend my new year's eve at the mountains and it was four-day and three-night vacation. Actually I was not very pleased with this trip and I felt like I was just wasting time. The first day of 2012, I was still bored till I met this amazing sunset with somehow pinkish blue and purplish white color blending and I was impressed. It's six days before I leave my hometown including the vacation days. Time flies and here I am preparing to fly back to Singapore, packing and spending  the rest of my time hanging out with my friends here. The thing that I'm going to miss is my one and only piano, which is more than an instrument to me, it's my silent best pal :)

Utter Disapppointment

Hard to believe that this year's Christmas sucks big time. If I keep up like this on every Christmas, I might kill myself. Nothing in particular that makes me happy this year, nothing but disappointment.

HAPPY

I got nothing to say, I'm just slightly HAPPY in a sense :)

Negativity

Lately I've been feeling very insecure and so low about myself. I just don't know what is going on inside me and it's just so hard to get rid of this negativity. Sometimes I just wish someone or anyone would spare some time to be a good listener where I can reveal all these thoughts and share about them. I guess I'm just disappointed with myself right now, it feels so unnecessarily pathetic.

Close to year-end

 This month has been a very tough time for me. When mom, dad and my sis came to Singapore, I got sick, REALLY SICK. I even passed out for the first time in my life and I felt so pathetic and helpless. Luckily I got my sisters helped me out and they believed I was sick from the food poison which I don't know where it came from. It was terrible and miserable, it took me 5 days to be fully recovered. Then I got scolded so many times by my mom for so many reasons. Anyway, I hope the other days due to the Christmas and New Year, will be better than the beginning of this month.

Christmas is OnTheWay :)

Christmas is coming and everybody seemed to be very prepared for New Year. It's good to have the merrily decorated Christmas Trees and Decors around the city and if only there's snow, It would have been incredibly beautiful. It's very unpleasant that I kept witnessing rain instead of the snow every morning which gives me gloomy days everyday I wake up and then I was like, "Christmas should be happy and merry, not gloomy, lazy, and sad like the non-stop rain". Anyway, I just wish everything will be fine as we embark to the brand new period where we can start our brand new resolutions and new "selves". I'm looking forward to see new things and new people too :)

Shining

I always have this thought of myself being the very best among others is the most important thing I must do. Being better than anyone is what I've always wanted to do too, yet competition is always hard and difficult and "my best" is always not good enough. I guess I just don't like to feel what it feels like to be worse than the others especially in something that I'm really good at. I swear that someday, I am going to be a wanted and a very successful person in the future for my family and myself. Maybe it sounds a little selfish, but I guess since it's confession, being honest is a good and natural thing to do :)

Finally!

After months of miserable and stressful days with lots of assignments and deadlines to catch on, finally I had reach the moment where I can halt and stop thinking about all that. I'm just glad that I finally have the time to do some leisure activities. There are so many things that I wanna start doing and also I can't wait to go back home. In spite all that, I think new year is coming, eh? Gonna take lots of happy and joyful with season greetings pictures for the upcoming week :)

Life Respect

Yesterday I took several shots of the sky which I think is weird that yesterday' sky was so "happy" from 12 to 5 but suddenly when it's after the noon, the sky suddenly went sad and gloomy . This is one of the best shots that I took and suddenly I started to think how wonderful it is to be alive and have a very good and functionable eyes to be able to see such beautiful things such as this. My determination of being a professional photographer as my prospect in the future gets stronger and stronger everytime I take pictures. That's a good thing :)

Overwhelmed

This week has been a very rough week for me. I got sick, stressed, weak and vulnerable both physically and emotionally. It just feels like I need to fight for my sake and do my work alone so I was kind of silent this week. Just two more weeks to go before my first assessment. Wish my hardwork will pay off big time!

Reaching for the Posibilities

Recently, Ive been doing some activities which I never thought I would do in my college and I find it hard to believe that now I have more abilities than just draw. I felt learning so much and I realized that there won't be any excuses or limits for inspiration. Everything is a percentage of possibilities, that's why moments of every moment are important. I hope I am going to change my personality to a better one, moreover towards art.

Late Updates

Before showing the photos, I would like to say that I've been EXTREMELY busy these days. Assignments never stop piling up, and I can hardly manage my time to do them.  Well, my blog was not updated for a very long time certainly because of it and now I'm going to post all all the pictures that I haven't posted since the last photo and little stories about the captions. Sorry for posting it late though :|

 

  

It was really tiring when I walk back and forth at my first month entering the college especially when I have to carry those heavy art materials and media to my place which is quite far away. But I guess I'll just have to get used to it. :\

 Recently I felt very new and not familiar to my surroundings and I realized that I still had a very long way to go to achieve the reward of being a responsible young adult, and I'm still raw in living independently recalling that I'm a very clumsy and forgetful person (back when I was in high school). HopefullyI'll change those bad habits here. 

 

After attending class for almost more than a month now, I began to think that my future is my decision and that's when I decided to plan what I'm gonna do later after the studies are over. There are so many ways and paths that I can choose. I just need time fto igure what's best for me and 9my family later on. It's time to think about it and I think it's no harm to be prepared for what's coming :)

My mind was very concentrated on one thought and that is the unfinished projects. Not because I was lazy to do them, but I was really clueless and afraid of doing something wrong. I was really pressured, It feels like giving up :(

 

 Don't know suddenly being alone all the time became a slight problem for me. It's kinda sad though I always need to do things all by myself. It's like everything that I want to have depends on my efforts and struggles. I tend to get stressed easily recently. :(

 

That day, I was a little relieved from those assignments which was almost finished. I can finally took a temporary break but it wouldn't be long till other assignments come again. :|

There's been some ideas in my head but somehow I'm just don't know how interpret them well in my works. I guess I still have a lot to learn expressing ideas before I reveal  or kill the interesting part of it.

 

Felt all drained out of energy for a while due to the continuous assignments. It was very odd actually, I have never been this tired and beat. Having not enough sleep was really not good. I think I need a full-month break. :|

I've been daydreamin' a lot these days, I've got nothing to say about it I don't know what I was thinking of, probably just slight emotion through my mind.

I wish I could just skip my busy days and start a vacation with friends or family soon. I felt like collapsing doing the non stop homework. I miss my family and my friends , I wish I could go back to my hometown for just 1 week. .*sigh*

Still expecting the holiday to come soon and hopefully I could get great grades for my first college studies. I did  the very best out of me and I wish I can get the best grades I could get. :)

Yesterday I went to the art science museum at MBS with my classmates for the CCS class project, I find the museum very interesting and worth a visit. I thank my college for paying me to go there because it seemed rather expensive to have the access to go and observe the exhibition there. Thanks Lasalle! :D